Clarity Begins At Home

Apologies for the awful pun in the title, but to be honest, you wouldn't think that was the case when it comes to communication in my house. So many disagreements are caused in my family either because of avoidable misunderstandings, or because of one of us not listening to what the other is saying or trying to say.

Scenario One: My son is currently doing the third of a number of part time counselling courses at the university. He's otherwise unemployed, (following in the family business?) and so has a fair amount of spare time on his hands at the moment. He's currently into playing the computer game "Assassin's Creed" on the PC. I say 'into' but recently it's been more like 'obsessed with'. On Wednesday, he sat down at the PC around mid-afternoon and fired up the game.

Me: Don't stay on there too long David. Try to limit it to only about an hour.

Him: What?

Me: You were on there for about four or five hours yesterday. Restrict yourself to just an hour today if you can.

Him: (logging off) Oh fine! I won't bother going on then.

Me: Don't forget you have your prep work to do before your course tomorrow night. 

Him: Exactly!

Me: What?

Him: I need to be getting on with my work for uni..

Me: EXACTLY!

Him: Well how can I do it if you won't let me on the PC?

Me: It was you who logged off. I didn't tell you to.

Him: You did. You said I could only have an hour.

Me: I was talking about the game.

Him: So what happens if I can't finish my work in an hour then?

Me: I was talking about the GAME.

Him: I need the PC to do my prep work.

Me: I was talking about THE GAME!

(at this point Mrs B walked in from the kitchen to find out what all the hassle was about.)

Him: Mum! I need to do my work, and dad won't let me go on the PC!

I'm such an unreasonable parent!

Scenario Two: Mrs B firmly believes that she knows exactly what I'm going to say next in any given situation. She won't admit as much, and of course she couldn't possibly know that unless we had some type of telepathic link between us; but my wife is so convinced she possesses this special ability, that most times during a conversation, she'll forego the unnecessary chore of actually listening to what I say, and will instead use her special power to predict my next words, and thus she'll formulate her responses even before she's heard mine. The other day, we embarked on the fascinating discussion of what we should have for lunch.

Her: If you're going out, you could get some mayonnaise for tuna mayonnaise sandwiches.

Me: Do we have any tuna?

Her: Yes, I looked in the cupboard; we have three cans left.

Me: Three cans left? How many cans did you buy?

Her: I can't remember; about three weeks ago, I think.

Me: No. How many cans did you buy?

Her: Either Asda or Netto - Not Tesco, their tuna's always too expensive.

Me: (giving up on that line of enquiry) Can I have chopped gherkin in mine too, if we have any?

Her: You can get some if you're going to the shops.

Me: So we don't have any gherkins then?

Her: Someone will have to go; we've run out of mayonnaise.

Me: What about gherkins?

Her: No, I've got tuna. I have three cans from a multi-pack of five.

Me: Will you PLEASE just listen to what I say before you answer what you think I'm going to say?

Her: So don't you want tuna mayonnaise sandwiches then? Are you still going to the shop?

I went to the shop, if only to escape the madhouse!