A letter to my Father on Father's Day

Many years ago, father's day would have been spent together, all of us around the kitchen table. Gifts and cards bought, dinner served and wine poured, drunk and replenished. A feast. Happy times.

I have spent the last few years, on the approach of father's day, passing cards that lined the shelves, feeling heavy of heart. Something I would never buy again. For you.

When you left us, you left broken hearts, smashed and destitute. Life was dark; a curtain drawn, deterring sunlight. We fell to our knees, grasping at hands to help us stand, but we were all too weak to lift our heads. The night was endless, daylight extinct. We spent each day wishing for the 'old days' yet yearning for the next; take away the pain. Slowly, we existed.

Weeks flowed into months and in turn, years. We found hands to hold onto, shoulders to lean on. We stood up, in anxious state and uncertainty. Will this life hammer hit again and knock us off our feet? We held onto each other, helping our sister, brother, mother. We grew stronger day by day. Letting the sunshine return to our lives lifted our hearts a little, and we were able to smile again.

These days the sun is always shining. The light that shines into my life reminds me of you ~ you were a bright light. When I think of you, I see gardens of flowers and hear beautiful music. I see love.

You left behind a legacy. You taught us all about softness of heart, kindness, forgiveness and understanding. Everyone that knew you, loved you. You were a special man. A man of true value and love for all.

When I look at our family now, I smile. In my darkest days, I never thought I would. Time passed through those 'dark days', and although I still feel a heavy heart from time to time, I know that the pain will not last. We have each other. We are a strong family.

The wind blows softly through the trees, rustling the leaves and I take time for reflection. If I listen, I can hear you. 'Be happy', you say. 'Live your life in colourful detail, be who you aspire to be. Be you, for me'.

We all have some of your blessed qualities dad, I am grateful for that. My heart is always full.

I love you dad.

There comes a time in life when you look at your children and you know you have to take a step back. Letting them learn through their own experiences and/or mistakes. Knowledge of life you may impart, but no matter how much it hurts you not to sweep them up and wrap them in a warm blanket, you are just left to guide them forward.

When they're babies, you cradle, saving from harm A bruised knee is soon forgotten with a tender kiss from mum or dad but then again, physical knocks are an easy heal.

There are some things in life you cannot teach your children. Emotional intelligence is one of them. Personally, I find this to be the hardest to deal with of all. The time when you know you cannot make things better with just a hug or a hot chocolate is that time when you step back and reevaluate, making mental note to stop talking and start listening.

That little baby you held and nurtured in your arms isn't a baby anymore and although you've done your very best to ensure his or her well being, emotionally, you have no say in the matter.

Emotional intelligence is an area, which I believe, is a life tool but feel can only come from experience. You cannot teach your children how to deal with emotional outbursts or silence from another, just the tools on how they react to them.

In my life experience, I've found that overthinking troubles usually causes more uneccesary worry, as the weight of the world begins to feel heavy on your shoulders. My philosophy is, 'Can I do something about this'?  If the answer is 'no', then I will strive to let it go. I have found that as time passes, life has levelled out and balance has been restored. What about the children? Well, they will have to live through these trying times of theirs too, in order to secure cognition.

Life is joyous, a gift. You cannot teach someone to be happy, it has to come from inside the heart. Knowing that 'tomorrow' is life's reset button helps to move us all forward with a positive gait...and may we all get there, one baby step at a time.

I never thought the nature/nurture debate would surface again in my lifetime...what do I know?